The wonder of the mundane
Whenever my wife or I have to travel on business and have to away from each other for more than a few days, we find the time apart difficult. And when these mercifully infrequent trips occur, as one is at the moment, we try and connect for a few minutes by telephone each day. Busy-ness and time differences can make it challenging to get more than a few minutes to talk at the end of someone's day, so we always try to cut to the chase and talk about the most important thing. You know what I mean...the daily routine of our lives.
In those moments we reconnect by recounting our days, and we feel like we have been part of the other's life even while we have been apart. We commiserate, advise, celebrate, share news, and so on, nothing special...but actually very special. The stuff of our day to day existence - work, conversations, struggles, victories - is what makes up our lives. We share it when we are together, when we come home at the end of the day, and by sharing it when we are apart we recreate that togetherness. It might be boring or uninteresting to others, but it never is to me.
These moments of the mundane help us get through the separation, the distance and the time between us, but I am very grateful that the trips don't last more than two or three weeks. I can't imagine how difficult a longer separation would be, and I wonder if this type of conversation, even on a regular basis, would help us keep connected over several months apart.
It was interesting to hear a segment on The Current yesterday, a conversation with Wafa Sahnine, the step-daughter of Abousfian Abdelrazik, who has been in Sudan since 2003 and is unable to come home due to the refusal of the Canadian government to give him travel documents. I won't focus on the details of his story, but will suggest you start with this article at Wikipedia if you are interested in learning more.
During the interview, Wafa noted that they do have the opportunity to speak on the phone from time to time, and that when they do the conversation tends to focus on their daily lives. After six years apart. There is something necessary about this level of communication, something essential to our relationships. I think we often dismiss this, often think we need something more or better. Movies and books generally don't include dialogue about the kids, homework, or the latest problem at the office, and we can easily buy into what we see on the big screen or read in the latest bestseller as the template for a good relationship.
But the majority of the lives of most of us is spent just living. Nothing glamorous. And even if there are occasional glimpses of glamour, life is made up of what happens in between those times. It is in sharing that life with each other that we make a life together.
In those moments we reconnect by recounting our days, and we feel like we have been part of the other's life even while we have been apart. We commiserate, advise, celebrate, share news, and so on, nothing special...but actually very special. The stuff of our day to day existence - work, conversations, struggles, victories - is what makes up our lives. We share it when we are together, when we come home at the end of the day, and by sharing it when we are apart we recreate that togetherness. It might be boring or uninteresting to others, but it never is to me.
These moments of the mundane help us get through the separation, the distance and the time between us, but I am very grateful that the trips don't last more than two or three weeks. I can't imagine how difficult a longer separation would be, and I wonder if this type of conversation, even on a regular basis, would help us keep connected over several months apart.
It was interesting to hear a segment on The Current yesterday, a conversation with Wafa Sahnine, the step-daughter of Abousfian Abdelrazik, who has been in Sudan since 2003 and is unable to come home due to the refusal of the Canadian government to give him travel documents. I won't focus on the details of his story, but will suggest you start with this article at Wikipedia if you are interested in learning more.
During the interview, Wafa noted that they do have the opportunity to speak on the phone from time to time, and that when they do the conversation tends to focus on their daily lives. After six years apart. There is something necessary about this level of communication, something essential to our relationships. I think we often dismiss this, often think we need something more or better. Movies and books generally don't include dialogue about the kids, homework, or the latest problem at the office, and we can easily buy into what we see on the big screen or read in the latest bestseller as the template for a good relationship.
But the majority of the lives of most of us is spent just living. Nothing glamorous. And even if there are occasional glimpses of glamour, life is made up of what happens in between those times. It is in sharing that life with each other that we make a life together.
Comments